Self-supervised learning methods are attractive candidates for automatic object picking. However, the trial samples lack the complete ground truth because the observable parts of the agent are limited. That is, the information contained in the trial samples is often insufficient to learn the specific grasping position of each object. Consequently, the training falls into a local solution, and the grasp positions learned by the robot are independent of the state of the object. In this study, the optimal grasping position of an individual object is determined from the grasping score, defined as the distance in the feature space obtained using metric learning. The closeness of the solution to the pre-designed optimal grasping position was evaluated in trials. The proposed method incorporates two types of feedback control: one feedback enlarges the grasping score when the grasping position approaches the optimum; the other reduces the negative feedback of the potential grasping positions among the grasping candidates. The proposed online self-supervised learning method employs two deep neural networks. : SSD that detects the grasping position of an object, and Siamese networks (SNs) that evaluate the trial sample using the similarity of two input data in the feature space. Our method embeds the relation of each grasping position as feature vectors by training the trial samples and a few pre-samples indicating the optimum grasping position. By incorporating the grasping score based on the feature space of SNs into the SSD training process, the method preferentially trains the optimum grasping position. In the experiment, the proposed method achieved a higher success rate than the baseline method using simple teaching signals. And the grasping scores in the feature space of the SNs accurately represented the grasping positions of the objects.