Augmenting federated learning (FL) with device-to-device (D2D) communications can help improve convergence speed and reduce model bias through local information exchange. However, data privacy concerns, trust constraints between devices, and unreliable wireless channels each pose challenges in finding an effective yet resource efficient D2D graph structure. In this paper, we develop a decentralized reinforcement learning (RL) method for D2D graph discovery that promotes communication of impactful datapoints over reliable links for multiple learning paradigms, while following both data and device-specific trust constraints. An independent RL agent at each device trains a policy to predict the impact of incoming links in a decentralized manner without exposure of local data or significant communication overhead. For supervised settings, the D2D graph aims to improve device-specific label diversity without compromising system-level performance. For semi-supervised settings, we enable this by incorporating distributed label propagation. For unsupervised settings, we develop a variation-based diversity metric which estimates data diversity in terms of occupied latent space. Numerical experiments on five widely used datasets confirm that the data diversity improvements induced by our method increase convergence speed by up to 3 times while reducing energy consumption by up to 5 times. They also show that our method is resilient to stragglers and changes in the aggregation interval. Finally, we show that our method offers scalability benefits for larger system sizes without increases in relative overhead, and adaptability to various downstream FL architectures and to dynamic wireless environments.