Fast, accurate, and generalizable simulations are a key enabler of modern advances in robot design and control. However, existing simulation frameworks in robotics either model rigid environments and mechanisms only, or if they include flexible or soft structures, suffer significantly in one or more of these performance areas. To close this "sim2real" gap, we introduce DisMech, a simulation environment that models highly dynamic motions of rod-like soft continuum robots and structures, quickly and accurately, with arbitrary connections between them. Our methodology combines a fully implicit discrete differential geometry-based physics solver with fast and accurate contact handling, all in an intuitive software interface. Crucially, we propose a gradient descent approach to easily map the motions of hardware robot prototypes to control inputs in DisMech. We validate DisMech through several highly-nuanced soft robot simulations while demonstrating an order of magnitude speed increase over previous state of the art. Our real2sim validation shows high physical accuracy versus hardware, even with complicated soft actuation mechanisms such as shape memory alloy wires. With its low computational cost, physical accuracy, and ease of use, DisMech can accelerate translation of sim-based control for both soft robotics and deformable object manipulation.