Multi-task learning (MTL) has achieved great success in various research domains, such as CV, NLP and IR etc. Due to the complex and competing task correlation, naive training all tasks may lead to inequitable learning, i.e. some tasks are learned well while others are overlooked. Multi-task optimization (MTO) aims to improve all tasks at same time, but conventional methods often perform poor when tasks with large loss scale or gradient norm magnitude difference. To solve the issue, we in-depth investigate the equity problem for MTL and find that regularizing relative contribution of different tasks (i.e. value of task-specific loss divides its raw gradient norm) in updating shared parameter can improve generalization performance of MTL. Based on our theoretical analysis, we propose a novel multi-task optimization method, named EMTL, to achieve equitable MTL. Specifically, we efficiently add variance regularization to make different tasks' relative contribution closer. Extensive experiments have been conduct to evaluate EMTL, our method stably outperforms state-of-the-art methods on the public benchmark datasets of two different research domains. Furthermore, offline and online A/B test on multi-task recommendation are conducted too. EMTL improves multi-task recommendation significantly, demonstrating the superiority and practicability of our method in industrial landscape.