We propose a reformulation of Variational Auto-Encoders eliminating half of the network outputs (the variances) in a deep network setting. While it is well known that the posterior is in general intractable, we show that the variances of Gaussian posteriors and likelihoods may be solved in closed form, producing improved variational lower bounds over their learned counterparts in experiments. The closed forms reduce to remarkably simple expressions -- in particular, one optimal choice for the posterior variance is simply the identity matrix. We arrive at these conclusions by analyzing the variational lower bound objective irrespective of any particular network architecture, deriving its partial derivatives and closed form solutions for all parameters but the posterior means. In deriving the closed form likelihood variance, we show that the objective is underdetermined, which we resolve by constraining the presumed information content of the data examples. Any of these modifications may be applied to simplify, and perhaps improve, any Variational Auto-Encoder.